Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Discover How To Get Back Together After A Break Up

If you have dated, then you have probably had to suffer through a break up and many people are so lost without their ex that they desperately want to know how to get back together after a break up.

The weird thing about a break up is that it never gets any easier. With most other things in life, the more you do something, the easier it gets to do. But break ups never get any easier and some are a lot more painful than others.

With any relationship that you have ever been in, chances are you invested a lot of time and emotional energy into it. Unless your relationship was completely terrible, it is quite common to want to figure out how to get back together after a break up. If you were in a relationship that was emotionally or physically abusive, then you shouldn’t try to get your ex back. It is best to move on and find someone who will value you.

But for the most part, relationships tend to follow a common pattern. New relationships are exciting and passionate. Your partner is wonderful and you are wonderful to your partner and neither person can do any wrong. As the newness wears off, you settle into a comfortable pattern, but some of the habits that were cute before are now very annoying.

I’m sure that you have heard the phrase “Familiarity breeds contempt” and this is what happens in an established relationship. This is when the trouble and conflict usually start. Many relationships get into trouble during this state and end. In order to successfully survive this state, both parties have to be willing to do what it takes to keep the relationship going. Many times, when the relationship gets rough, it may just seem easier to one or both of you to just end it and move on. The problem is that this stage comes up in every relationship eventually.

Do you strongly believe that your relationship can be saved, even if your partner doesn’t think the same thing? There are four steps you can take to try and salvage your relationship.

1.Apologize – Actually say that you are sorry.

Believe it or not, just saying out loud that you are sorry is a very powerful technique in your quest to learn how to get back together after a break up. This is usually the very first step towards getting your ex back but you have to be sorry for the right reasons. You can’t blame yourself for every single problem because there are two of you in this relationship.

Don’t let the apology start another fight which is ironically what can happen if you aren’t careful. Sometimes what happens is you apologize for one thing and your ex brings up something else and that leads to a bigger right. You have to keep your keep and check your ego and pride at the door. It will be very hard not to get defensive and get into a fight, but don’t let it escalate.

2.Pick a time and a place to calmly talk things out.

Assuming your ex is agreeable, it is very important to sit down and hash out your issues. This not the time or place for you to cling to your ex, begging to be taken back but rather to calmly discuss what went wrong. You have to set the tone for this discussion and make it clear that this is not a blame fest. Stick to the issues at hand and don’t allow yourselves to wander off topic. Sometimes you need to see a therapist in order to do this objectively. If your ex won’t agree to a meeting, then you just have to move on to the next step.

3.Give your ex some time and space.

Many times both parties involved just need some space and time to cool off. As time passes, the fights don’t seem as bad and everything will gain some perspective. Anger cools and hurt feelings diminish over time which is a good thing. Your ex may not be able to face talking to you at first but after some time has passed, your ex will start to miss you. It will be much easier to initiate contact if you can just stay away.

4.Take care of yourself and show your ex you can move on.

Even if you desperately want your ex back, you have to be prepared to move on. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically will show your ex that you care about yourself. No one wants to be with a person that is depressed, clingy and slovenly. You cannot bury yourself in your bedroom watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns just waiting for your ex to call you. It is absolutely imperative that you get out of the house and meet up with your friends. Go to the mall, the park or any other place that will take your mind off things. Live your life.

It is actually in your best interests if you are not home when your ex calls or if you are busy. If your cell phone rings and you are out with friends, don’t answer it. Being busy and unavailable will make your ex wonder where you are and what you are doing. Then wait until the next day to return the phone call and say you didn’t have time to call them back. Believe it or not, this will probably shock your ex and may even tempt them to chase you to get you back.

Don’t despair over your break up. Most relationships don’t break up over huge problems. Usually they break up because the passion has been lost because of the routine of every day life. I ran across a guy that may be able to give you some tips on how to get back together after a break up. He has a lot of experience in this area and he may just be able to help you out of your particular situation. This guy, T. Dub Jackson, has a great FREE video called "How To Get Your Ex Back Opening Move”.  CLICK HERE to see his free video.

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