How To Save A Relationship - 4 Steps To Help You

I’m sure you have friends or you yourself are in this situation because it is a common one. Let’s call our couple Mark and Jane. Mark keeps getting promoted at work and it seems like he is never home. When he does drag home from work, he is tired and cranky and doesn’t want to help do anything around the house or the yard. He feels like Jane does nothing but nag and complain.

 

Then we have Jane who is a stay at home mom with three kids under the age of four all day long. She feels frazzled and unappreciated. She feels like Mark never helps her and she does all of the house work and the yard work as well as takes care of the kids. She doesn’t feel like Mark is there for her and that he never listens to her. She wonders if he even loves her anymore.

 

They both wonder can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved?

 

Here is how to save a relationship.

Before you take any steps to try and save a relationship, you have to first honestly figure out whether the relationship is worth saving. It is possible that most any relationship can be saved as long as both people are will to put in some hard work and both agree that the relation is worth saving. One person does not make a relationship, if one person in the relationship has basically already left it, there is really no chance to save it.

There are a lot of reasons that people decide to remain in a relationship.

• Convenience 
• Habit 
• Because of the kids 
• For economic and financial reasons

None of these reasons are enough to stay in a relationship that is not working. The only possible way to save a relationship is if both parties have agreed that the relationship is worth saving and both parties are firmly committed to saving the relationship.

 

1. One both parties are committed to fixing the relationship, the next step is to figure what has gone wrong. Usually there is at least one nagging problem (and sometimes more) that one or both people just can’t get past. Unless this problem (or problems) is dealt with and solved, there is no point is trying to continue to figure out how to save a relationship.

2. Sometimes, what both parties think is the problem really is just a symptom of the problem. For example, if one party has had an extra marital affair, this is usually what is defined as the problem. But, the fact that the affair happened is typically just a symptom of a more serious underlying problem. Usually with counseling, many times the real reason or reasons for an extra marital affair are exposed. People have affairs all the time because of lack of intimacy with their partner, revenge for a perceived slight, to hurt the other partner, etc. If the real problem isn’t exposed, then chances are the cheating partner will just cheat again in the future.

The only way you can have a chance to save the relationship if when the true problems are defined and out in the open. If the problems cannot be identified, then the relationship is doomed.

3. For couples that are able to define the problem or problems, talking and healing can begin. Both partners need to be able to verbalize their feelings and in turn listen to what the other has to say. Many times it helps to be able to each other or hold hands while discussing these issues. Emotions can get out of hand sometimes during these stressful discussions and the contact can help couples to reconnect. It is very important to remember that when feelings are discussed, it is not a personal attack nor is your partner blaming you. The only way to improve the relationship is to be able to speak honestly and openly.

4. The next step is to come up with a plan of action to solve the problems in the relationship. A list of definite steps can help keep you on track and help you deal with the issues. One of the biggest problems in a relationship is finding the time to spend time with each other and reconnect. Each partner needs to take turns coming up with ways to have a date lunch or date night. Another big problem is that couples no longer talk to each other. If that is the case, then actually schedule time every single day to talk to each other without interruptions. It can be as simple as 20 minutes a day.

 

All the steps listed above can help you save a relationship but you have to realize that every relationship is a work in progress. You may get back on more solid footing only to have something else come up down the road that you have to work on. These are basic steps that you must keep going back to time and time again. It’s ok to fight. It’s ok to disagree. Be quick to apologize and always keep communicating with each other.

 

Find out if your relationship worth saving.

If you decide that it is, you can use these steps to keep moving forward and keep your relationship healthy and happy.